


New York

by NewEyes



Category: The Americans (TV 2013)
Genre: F/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28117269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewEyes/pseuds/NewEyes
Summary: Elizabeth knows she should be used to it but everytime February comes around, she despises America. There is no escaping it, anything that can have a heart added does, and it’s all about spending money on useless, wasteful trash.
Relationships: Elizabeth Jennings/Philip Jennings | Clark Westerfeld
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	New York

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mystarsandmyocean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystarsandmyocean/gifts).



Elizabeth knows she should be used to it but everytime February comes around, she despises America. There is no escaping it, anything that can have a heart added does, and it’s all about spending money on useless, wasteful trash.

The Jennings do what is required of them, they are Americans after all, and that means brightly coloured cards, chocolates and flowers. Once when they were younger Phillip added a stuffed animal, but when he saw the expression on her face it eventually ended up in the bin. Ever since then they’ve fallen into a standard routine. She gets him chocolates, he buys her flowers. Wasteful and extravagant but necessary for their cover, they don’t want to arouse suspicion. They are supposed to be married, and any happily married couple would naturally exchange gifts.

*

The holidays are good for the travel agency, of course, and there’s nothing like Valentine’s day to convince people they need to spend large amounts to show their love. 

“Oh, I don’t know…” the man in front of her hovers his fingers indecisively over the travel brochure. “Which do you think is more romantic, Washington or New York? New York, right? But I don’t know, which one has the better weather?”

She’s losing patience, the guy has been trying to decide where to book for the last hour and they finally have it narrowed it down to two choices. Does the weather really matter? What is he expecting, the weather is always bad in February, would he even be thinking about planning a trip now if it wasn’t for the completely arbitrary holiday?

“I’m sure whatever you choose she’ll love it, but what girl wouldn’t like a surprise trip to New York,” she nodds encouragingly. It is also the most expensive package. 

“Hmmm,” the guy shifts in his seat in front of her desk.

She hears Phillip come up behind her. “I’ll have to remember that,” he says, and she turns her head. He’s not quite smirking at her, but there is a mischievous light in his eyes and she knows he’s going to bring it up again later. Fantastic.

“Hi Jason,” he says and puts one hand on her shoulder and leans over to shake Jason’s hand. “How’s it coming on?”

“Oh, I think we’re almost there,” he says. “Elizabeth really has been great.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” she pats his arm enouragingly. “I think we’ve decided on New York, was it?” she leads him hopefully.

“Yes...yes,” Jason says more firmly. “The New York package.”

“Oh, New York is a great place,” Phillip says. “Why don’t I take over Elizabeth? I know you still have to look at those figures in the backroom before we leave tonight.”

“Thanks, that would be great,” she says and gets up out of the chair. She is thankful for the reprieve, Phillip knows her and can easily guess that she’s been frustrated ever since Jason arrived. Plus, she does actually have to look at the figures, so it’s not pure charity. She leaves Phillip talking away with Jason. It’s hard to tell sometimes with Phillip, but she thinks there’s a good chance that Phillip might genuinely like the guy. 

*

She’s working on the figures in the back room when Phillip comes in a few hours later. He sits down in the chair next to her and rocks backwards in it. 

“So, I guess I know what I should be getting you for Valentines’ day,” he teases. He’s smiling, trying to provoke her, but she’ll be damned if she gives him the satisfaction. 

“Do you?” she says. 

“Sure, I guess I better get on to booking our trip to New York,” he says and she just gives him a look. “Okay, okay,” he says, holding up his hands, “I guess a trip to New York is out. But isn’t it what every girl wants?” he rocks forward in the chair and starts looking through the papers on the desk. 

“An hour,” she shakes her head. “It took him an hour to decide, it’s ridiculous.”

“Well, I think it’s kind of sweet,” Phillip says. “He really cares.”

“It’s dumb,” she says. “If he wanted to be certain about it, he should have just brought her along and they could decide together.”

“He wanted to surprise her.”

“That’s why it’s stupid. Spending lots of money on a holiday he doesn’t even know his wife will like, just so that it can be a surprise,” she shakes her head.

“People like to show others that they care. Maybe she likes surprises.”

“There are better ways. How will some expensive, wasteful gesture on a completely arbitrary day of the year show you care? What’s that look?” she asks. Phillip is looking at her like he does sometimes when he thinks she’s wrong but it isn’t worth the argument.

“What look?” he raises an eyebrow. 

“You know,” she says.

“No, you’re completely right of course, it is pretty wasteful,” he says mildly. 

Phillip has always been more susceptible to this sort of thing, the _American_ way of living. He probably likes the idea of a grand gesture, and looking at him now so carefully controlled and hidden, she is sure there’s something to it. It can be a fantasy for some men, and she’s used it to play them in the past. They want to buy her something expensive, or take her somewhere fancy and then she plays the part and simpers about how much she loves it. How grateful she is, and how thankful she is and he’s so good to her. Then they have sex. She doesn’t think Phillip wants that lie from her. She hopes he doesn’t.

“So you agree with me,” she says slowly.

“Of course,” he says. 

*

Something about their conversation must be getting her, because she actually pauses in the holiday section of the store next time she’s in there. She grabs the chocolates and looks down the rest of the aisle. If she did want to get him something, what in this aisle would she even get? Champagne, little kits of aftershave, stuffed animals...she can’t imagine Phillip wanting any of those things. 

She does want Phillip to be happy. If this stuff would make him happy she would consider it, but she can’t believe it would. Here, have some aftershave, that proves I care about you? No. If she were a better American this would be easier, she would know what to do. With marks it’s easy because it doesn’t matter and it’s all a lie, but with Phillip, she doesn’t want it to _be_ a lie. It’s irritating. Why should she have to spend money to show that she cares? But also — she wants to see Phillip smile.

She almost can’t believe herself. This is how they get you, they link the money in your purse to your feelings for the people you love. It’s stupid and she’s not doing it. She leaves the store with just the chocolates.

*

They rarely actually do anything to celebrate Valentine’s day together, of course. Marks with a romantic angle are particularly susceptible on Valentine’s day, so one or both of them is usually working. It would be a waste to spend such a valuable day with each other. 

She sits on the couch and waits for Phillip to come home, flicking through the channels, but there is nothing interesting on. Half of the channels have been taken over with romantic movies, and she settles on one, but it’s bad. The two characters are dancing around each other, pointless misunderstandings, and they’re both obnoxious. She half watches it, but her mind is on Phillip, it’s 11:10pm and he said he would be back by 11. He hasn’t called. She decides she’ll give it until midnight but if he’s not back by then she’ll go up. 

Her mind wanders back to the time he brought her that bear. It was the first year after Paige was born, and they were living in a tiny place. The birth had been difficult and she had been all alone in the hospital. Phillip had been working, and by the time they’d gotten a message to him it was too late. When she’d signed up for the Illegals assignment, she knew what would be involved, but she hadn’t really known, not until she was lying alone and in pain on a cold table, doctors swarming around her. She couldn’t even curse, not “ _zhizn’ ebet meya”_ the way she wanted to, and it really struck her that she was alone. 

Paige was not an easy baby. The Residentura gave her some time off, she couldn’t exactly work with her body the way it was, still bleeding weeks later, lactating at the most inconvenient times, but Phillip went back to working straight away. It all blurs into one horrible period of her life she wants to forget; holding a crying Paige, staring out of the grey windows, totally alone. 

When Valentine’s Day came around and he brought the bear, she’d just about had it with everything. Looking back, it’s obvious that Phillip was trying to make her feel better, or maybe make her smile at the least. But she hadn’t had a good night's sleep in a long time and she was stuck at home all day with a baby from this strange man she didn’t know. The bear almost seemed to be rubbing it in her face. If she could go back, maybe she wouldn’t have been so harsh, she would have been more controlled, let him down gently. But there is no going back.

*

It’s 11:50pm when she hears the door to the garage and Phillip comes in. 

“Hey,” she says, but stops short when she sees his face. His left eye looks strange, almost as if… “Is that a black eye?” she says and he nods.

“Yeah.”

“What happened?” she asked, she’s surprised that somebody managed to land a blow on him. Didn’t he see it coming? He looks around cautiously, and she adds, “Paige and Henry are in bed.”

“I pushed too hard with Sarah,” he admits. “She accused me of not caring about her. It’s okay, I think it’s still salvageable, but this,” he gestured to his eye, “and a few others are the price.” he waves his hand around his body. “I can guilt her about doing it on Valentine’s day and she’ll take me back.”

She is glad that the mission is still salvageable. “Did you have a chance to put some ice on it,” she says, already getting up off the couch and heading to the freezer for the peas.

“No...she hit me and I left right after,” he says. She passes him the peas, and he presses them up against his eye. The bag has a few red hearts on it. 

“Thanks,” he says, and leans his head back against the sofa. “I feel very tired,” he says and she just sits there watching him, studying his face, the fine lines, even with the black eye he is beautiful. The day must be getting to her.

“What?” he looks over at her staring.

“Nothing. I’m glad you made it back.”

“Yeah me too,” he brings his head up and focuses on the muted TV. “What _is_ that?”

“Just some romance movie,” she says.

“Of course,” he says, and then curiously. “Were you watching it?” 

“I was waiting for you to come back. But not really.”

“Yeah,” he says and then, “Oh hang on, let me just get your flowers,” he says and heads back out to the garage. She gets the chocolates and card from the top of the kitchen cabinets. In under a minute he’s back with the flowers.

“Here,” he says, holding them out to her. “They’re not very good,” he says, and he’s right, they’re a bit wilted, they were probably in the car longer than he planned. It doesn’t matter to her, but she can tell it matters to him. He works within the constraints she has set and the constraints of their job, but it makes him sad. She takes the roses and holds them up to smell them, the soft floral sent. She knows some places they spray extra scent to mask the poor quality flowers but these smell real to her. She’s no expert in flowers though, so really, how would she even know?

“Thanks,” she says, and holds out the chocolates. He takes them and stands there holding the box awkwardly for a few seconds, before eventually setting them back down on the dining table. She rests the flowers lightly on top of them, and they just stand there, looking at each other.

“I did think about getting you something else,” she admits.

“Really,” he says, raising an eyebrow.

“All they had in the store was aftershave and toy animals.” 

“I don’t need aftershave or toy animals,” he says, looking slightly bewildered.

“I know,” she says.

“And you hate Valentine’s Day.” 

“I don’t hate it,” she says.

“Come on,” he scoffs.

“I want you to be happy,” she says. “I don’t want you to think I don’t...appreciate what you do.” 

Phillip reaches down and interlaces their fingers together. “I am happy,” he says, but she just stares at him and he looks away.

“Sometimes I do wish things could be different,” he says. “What it would be like if we were just...you and me. None of the rest of it.”

She tries to picture it, and it’s surprisingly easy. She’s glad they get the chance to serve of course but she imagines not having to pretend all the time. They would be _home._

“There must be something,” she says. There must be something she can do to make it better. 

“It’s fine.”

“I want to,” she moves her fingers against his hand, lightly brushing back and forth. “But I don’t know what you want.”

“I don’t know,” he whispers. “I don’t know what you want either,” and she can tell he is thinking about the times he’s misjudged, made mistakes, but how can he not know? 

She wants him. Of course she’ll sacrifice their relationship in a heartbeat for the mission, but if she can have both...if she can… She leans into him and presses her forehead against his chest, hiding her face. He was gone twelve hours and she still managed to miss him. Wanted him to be here, watching terrible movies, doing nothing, even doing boring things like the dishes. She can get by perfectly fine on her own, she always has, but she doesn’t want to, not anymore.

“I want us to be together,” she says, but can’t help adding, “Though I don’t think the American capitalist machine really needs any help from us.”

“You’re right,” he says and she can feel the rumbling in his chest.

“Sometimes we’re so busy we don’t get any time...and I know that’s not going to change but…”

“I know. But we could do something,” he murmurs, and she leans back to look at him. “I know we won’t be able to do the actual day, but maybe before or after.” 

“Okay,” she wonders what he has in mind, and it must show on her face. 

“It doesn’t have to be New York,” he chuckles and she can’t stop the answering laugh back.

“Completely impractical,” she says.

“Wasteful.”

“And the weather is terrible.”

“What about a meal out?” he suggests, and she thinks about it. It’s not a terrible idea. 

“Somewhere local,” she says. “Supporting the local workers.”

“It could be nice,” he says. “What do you think?”

She imagines them sitting in a small booth together, candlelight...okay maybe not candlelight if they don’t go on Valentine’s day and only to a diner...but sharing food, talking. There is a certain appeal to it, she can see them smiling, joking, no need to reference things that happen the other 365 days of the year. It’ll just be them, or as close as they can get to ‘just them’ while sitting in an American diner eating french fries. He’ll probably make her get dessert. Extravagant and unnecessary, but it'll be okay. A compromise.

“I’d like that,” she says. 

“You would?” he looks so hopeful. She knows that if she said no, he would drop it, it’s not like with marks, where they don’t know her or care what she thinks. She doesn’t have to pretend, Phillip would just say, ‘okay, that’s fine’. But it would make him sad, she knows that too.

“Yes,” she says, and is surprised to find that she means it. 

“Thank you,” he says, eyes bright, like she’s given him a gift. His smile starts small, but then grows and grows until it’s a full grin. 

She looks away and shakes her head slightly, willing him to understand that it’s really the other way around. She knows she’s not always the easiest woman to be with, and he’s never really had any choice, but he’s still here, trying. 

“I’m glad you're here,” she says and a strange feeling takes over, lighting her body up from the inside.

“Me too,” he says, and reaches up to rest a hand on his jaw, pulling her in for a kiss.

*

_A few weeks later_

She’s sitting at her desk in the travel agency when she hears the door chime. She looks up from her desk and it’s Jason, with a blond woman standing next to him.

“This is Sharon,” Jason says.

“Hi,” Elizabeth says.

“We were just on our way by and I wanted to pop in and thank you guys, especially you Elizabeth.”

“It was no trouble,” she says.

“We had a great time in New York,” Sharon says. “I love surprises, and this was the best I’ve had in ages!”

“She loved it,” Jason added. “Thanks for making it all happen.”

“I’m glad you liked it. How was the weather in the end?” she asks

“Oh,” Sharon waves a hand dismissively, “It was freezing and it rained the whole time.” She looks softly at Jason. “But I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Not a thing”, Jason said, looking back soppily and she almost feels like she’s intruding. “Anyway, I don’t want to take up too much of your time, we just wanted to say thanks.” 

“No problem at all,” she says, and Jason and Sharon head for the door. 

“Was that Jason?” Phillip asks, coming up behind her.

“Yes. He wanted to tell us that they had a good time in New York,” she says. 

“That’s nice.”

“It rained the entire time,” she says. “But apparently they still enjoyed it.”

“Of course they did,” Phillip half smiles.

“Don’t start getting any ideas about New York,” she jokes.

“I would never,” he says seriously. “You know that, don’t you?”

“I know,” she says. 


End file.
